Kids And Power Struggles
Do not enter into power struggles with your children. Nobody wins in a power struggle. It’s just not worth it. Most power struggles happen as our children come into their teenage years however younger children can be very good at this too.
Recently I had a battle with 13 year old son. It was Friday and we had just arrived home from an evening out. Kieren’s friends wanted him to come outside and play in the dark in the park. it was 8.30pm when they called at our house. I just knew I was going to be in for a tough time. Kieren said to me,
All the same he thought he would try his luck so he said to me, “Mum, please can I go outside with my friends to the park?” I said “no”, and Kieren asked me again. I repeated my answer quite firmly by saying, “no you will not go outside again tonight”. We had just arrived home from Youth Group so I was hardly depriving my kids of entertainment.
I heard Kieren becoming increasingly more annoyed and verbal in an attempt to get me to change my mind, or at least let me know his displeasure. I even heard him slam the bedroom door twice, something he had never done before. He was not happy.
But here’s the thing, I didn’t try to make Kieren happy about my decision. He needed some time to cool off that night. He actually went to bed in a huff with me, something that was quite out of character for him.
As parents we should realize that kids often try to exert power over others, whether peers or parents. When this happens we should try to offer choices rather than making too many demands. This can ease the pain associated with conflict and ultimately prevent power struggles from occuring.
It is quite normal to test our authorities. Most of us will do it sometime in our lives. When our kids do it they want to know that we will be strong for them and not waver in our boundaries. When this happens our kids feel more secure.
Parents, it is just not your job to be liked. Sure it is nice when your kids like you but reality is that they won’t always like you. Get used to it. That’s life. If your kids liked you all the time you are doing something wrong. Kieren definitely did not like me that night. But the next morning he came to me with an apology. Better late than never, I suppose…
I was pleased that the apology came forth but it was too late to avoid the consequence. Kieren’s door was taken off its hinges for a week. he was not impressed but learned a valuable lesson about not slamming doors. And he hasn’t slammed a door since!